When Good Parents do Bad Things
Even the best parents can be guilty of doing one or more of The 7 Worst
Things Parents Do. In fact, it's often the good parents who make the
mistakes outlined in John and Linda Friel's new book. Are you one of them? If you care about your children at all, it's likely you are.
Putting Your Marriage Last: Good parents often say - in a way that can almost sound boastful - that their children are their life and everything else comes second to them. It might sound good to neighbors and friends, but according to the Friels it's an approach that can be disastrous for you, your marriage and your children. "When kids grow up in a child-focused family," says John, they grow up not knowing what a good marriage is." Show them by putting your spouse first. Your children will learn how a solid relationship operates.
Babying Your Child: It's understandable that you don't want your child to suffer even the slightest disappointment. Unfortunately, disappointment is a fact of life we all have to learn to live with, and home is a better place to learn it than at school or in the workplace. If you find yourself doing things for your child he or she could do, resenting and pitying your child at the same time, or being unable to see your child struggle with anything, you could be babying your child... and in effect, raising a baby!
Failing to Give Your Child Structure: Kids want structure in their lives whether they act like it or not. A lack of structure can show up in a number of ways, from failing to give your child chores (and expecting them to be done) to creating a relationship with your little one that's more like "best friends" than parent and child. Which brings us to...
Being Your Child's Best Friend: "Hip" parents often commit this blunder, largely because they'd rather be liked by their child than respected... or because they fear making their child angry. Sorry folks, but "you can't be a good parent, therapist or teacher if you can't stand to have people angry at you," according to John. Or a talk show host, added Oprah. Unfortunately, occasional anger goes with the parental territory, and it's important for your child to learn that you can be angry with someone and still love them.
Pushing Your Child Into Too Many Activities: Too many over-achieving parents can't wait to watch their little ones follow in their footsteps. But is there anything sadder than an eight-year-old who has to carry a Filofax to keep all his commitments straight... or a parent who has to play taxi driver to make them all happen? One activity that your child enjoys is enough for both of you!
Expecting Your Child to Fulfill Your Dreams: This mistake goes hand-in-hand with number five, and it's an error that the Friels warn can "destroy your child's spirit." Children are genetically disposed to excel in some things and not in others. Don't push your little painter to become a physicist or vice versa. "You wind up with a child who has a broken spirit," warns John, "and society can lose the next Picasso or Einstein."
Ignoring Your Emotional and/or Spiritual Life: We need to fulfill our needs, emotional and spiritual needs in order to be able to give to other people/to our children.
Note: Dalam show tsb, dijelaskan pengarang buku tsb John dan Linda Friel mengatakan bahwa yang mereka maksud di atas adalah untuk pasangan yang solid, good parents, yang terkadang tanpa disadari melakukan sesuatu yang berakibat/memberi efek negatif di kemudian hari, mereka tidak menujukkan kepada pasangan yang mengalami abusif relationship, atau anak di-abuse dsb, tentunya itu amat jauh lebih buruk
(Indonesian: Site/blog ini kupersembahkan oentoek putraku terkasih, Agus Surya Yoewira/Wen Yang. Walaupun tidak detail amat, akan selalu kutuliskan perkembangan dia baik melalui tulisan, cerita atau foto-foto. Selain itu ada macam-macam puisi, tantra, kalimat indah dan artikel-artikel yang semoga dapat berguna dan menjadi inspirasi bagi yang membacanya)
MY OATH TO YOU
When you are scared, …………….. I will comfort your fears
When you are worried, …………… I will give you hope
When you are confused, ………….. I will help you cope
And when you are lost, …………… and cant’t see the light, I shall be your beacon….Shining ever so bright.
This is my oath………… I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? ……………… Because you’re my son.
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU
Surya's reply :-D
will never ever go away
coz your loves are
my spirit .......
my light ........
my destination ......
my guide ...........
LOVE YOU, MOMMY.... !!!
When Good Parents do Bad Things